In the words of Arrested Development’s Gob Bluth, I’ve made a huge mistake.
I am on day one of a three-day juice fast, and it is horrible. (To read about Day 2, go here. To read about Day 3, go here.) But I have financially invested in the juicer and the produce (SO much produce), and have allowed myself to become emotionally invested in the idea of my succeeded at this, so I must go on.
I have never done a juice fast before but was curious about it and found one specifically for travelers here. Susan, the post’s author, postulates that travelers can especially benefit from juicing because our diets become so irregular on the road, every now and then we need a reset. Looking back at all the questionable gas station meals I’d had over the last month, I decided she was probably right and to give it a shot myself. Especially because she had such rave reviews about her own results. Her juicing days she felt radiant with energy and was only hungry like once the whole time. Unfortunately, we have not had mirror experiences.
I’m not calling Susan a liar. I’m sure she did indeed feel energized. I just think that our bodies probably work differently. Like maybe she already eats something close to the recommended servings of fruit and veggies a day, so when she switched over to that form of sustenance entirely it wasn’t the Mac Truck-sized shock to her insides as it was to mine.
In her defense, she does recommend cutting down on heavy/fatty dairy, carbs and protein before jumping into this juice cleanse business, but at the time I figured that was kind of like the “preheat the oven” instructions on the backs of pizza boxes—more of a suggestion than an actual rule.
My last meal was a pile of boiled crab legs and shrimp. I dipped every bite generously into butter or cocktail sauce and washed it down with a cold Abita beer. That was less than a full 24 hours ago, but I’m having trouble reconciling the blissfully happy girl I was then with the mess of a human I am now.
My body is freaking out at me. It wants a cup of coffee and some Raising Cane’s. Maybe some bacon—yes, definitely bacon. It wouldn’t say no to more Abita, either.
I’m having trouble concentrating and am so irritated it’s unreal. While driving, the red lights seemed to last four times as long as they do when I’m not depriving myself of delicious things. I was convinced like three times today that the stoplight I was sitting in front of was definitely broken. I wasn’t right once.
Also, I feel like I might have a cold. Maybe I do have a cold and that’s why this is so miserable.
Well…it would be a weird cold, because I’m not coughing, but my head and body aches. That’s actually probably the coffee withdrawal, come to think of it. (I’m only allowed to have green tea.)
Why am I doing this to myself, you ask? Good question.
I’m doing this because it’s an exercise in self-discipline I feel like I need. It isn’t to lose weight—I know that any I lose will just be water weight. It’s to “reset” my body so that it’s used to healthy things again, and to prove to myself that I can do something hard that’s good for me. (Is this good for me? The line is blurry now…but for the sake of this project we’re going to say, yes, it’s good for me.)
The juices mostly taste OK except for the lemonade cayenne pepper one Susan talks about hating, too. But there’s so much of them…it’s like, I’m full, but not in a good way and not in a stuffed, satisfied way. I feel like I’m sloshing. And yet, I could eat. I could eat something cheesy and comforting. I could eat the hell out of something fried.
Also, it’s such a pain to clean the juicer. And I know that it’s simpler to clean it right after you use it and then the gunk washes right off, THANKS USERS OF THE INTERNET! Well, that’s what I’ve been doing, dammit, and it is easier but that doesn’t make it easy. There are like twenty parts to that mother and if I have to drink like four juices a day that’s a lot of cleaning in between juicing! #endrant
I was going to go for an hour long walk after work today to keep up with my workout routine I’ve been floundering with, but instead I am going to bed after publishing this post. Meaning that I am so exhausted on this that I will have no trouble going to bed before 9 p.m.—and because it’s Daylight Savings Time, it’s actually more like I’m going to bed before 8 p.m. Welp. That’s day 1, people.
I’ll keep you updated on my progress tomorrow.
Maybe I’ll wake up a whole new person.
Or maybe I’ll wake up and make myself some eggs and waffles and fail miserably and publicly.
Or maybe I’ll wake up still feeling awful, but will somehow muddle through it and it will be one of those “it will all be worth it in the end, you’ll see” kind of things.